if you havent seen #governmentshutdownpickuplines then you’re seriously missing out
spaghetti? oh no i only eat swaghetti sir
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Logged in for the first time in 80 years. Damn it’s quiet on the dashboard.
There were two professors like this in my department and I was one of like 20 people who was taught by both of them so there was a very small gang of us who knew that Professor Brick Wall and Professor Overshare were married with two kids.
what a beautiful wedding
said a bridesmaid to a waiter
yes but what a shame
the poor grooms bride is a llama
What? A llama?! HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!!
whats wrong with you? you got some sort of……..some sorta syndrome? you got a syndrome or something? youre tryna tell me youve got like, a syndrome
[goes to doctor]: whats wrong with me doc. tell me the ‘prognosis’
doctor: well, its looking as if you have some kind of syndrome
[thinking] hmm.. thats not good
i diagnose you with symptoms syndrome
sorry to say but it seems you’ve got problems disorder
Marilyn Monroe photographed by Frieda Hull in New York on July 8, 1960
next time i feel bad about my belly i’ll remind myself that marilyn monroe, one of the most beautiful women in history, had one too
